Infertility and Abortion

There is an article on LifeSite News today written by a woman who suffers infertility.  She shared how her struggle to conceive has affected her view of abortion.  It is definitely an article worth reading.  I know exactly how she feels.  I feel that same pain every day, and when I used to do some pro-life work in Birmingham, every time I went to an abortion clinic, I would leave almost in tears.  The article is called “Infertility and Abortion:  Proof the World isn’t Fair”.

I also want to give you an update on the new baby in the family, which I wrote about last time.  I don’t know why it was so hard for me to give them our co-sleeper that we may never have the privilege of using, but I told my husband yesterday when we took the co-sleeper to the hospital that it felt like we were giving away our hope.  Now that I’ve had time to reflect on it, we were giving away our hope when we gave the mother that co-sleeper.  We gave her the gift of hope, which she will surely need as a single first time mother (and an older mother at that; she is actually my husband’s aunt).  So I’m glad we gave it to her (it being the co-sleeper, but also the symbolism of hope behind that gift).  Also, we were surprised yesterday when we went to help bring mom and baby home from the hospital, because my husband’s aunt asked us to be her daughter’s godparents.  🙂  We feel so incredibly honored that she chose us, and of course we accepted!  Words cannot describe how much that meant to us.

Welcome to the family.

We welcomed a new baby into the family today (on my husband’s side).  She is absolutely beautiful.  I had the privilege of watching her nurse, and I was once again reminded of how precious the bond between a mother and baby is.  I’m so happy for her mother.  She was glowing the whole time we were there.

We are giving this new mom our mesh cosleeper.  We bought it on a leap of faith over a year ago, and the only pregnancy we ever had ended very quickly.  We’re obviously getting no use out of it, but it’s kind of sad to see it go.  I’m glad it will get some use, though, and it couldn’t go to a better person.

I long for the day I’m the one people come to visit with a newborn.  Over the past couple of years, we have visited so many friends and family members after they have had babies, and each time people told us we were next.  I hope our turn comes soon.  Until then, we will gladly pray for each new life that comes to our loved ones and watch our family and friends bask in the joy of the gift God has given them.  They are all very blessed indeed.

 

Overcoming High Estrogen/Low Progesterone

I read an article this morning on Natural News about estrogen overload.  Many of us, both men and women, have too much estrogen in our bodies.  If you’re like me, this is one of the obstacles you’ve experienced in having a baby.  I know many of you who read my blog have been on (or are currently on) some form of medication to help balance your estrogen and progesterone levels.  I know I’ve had my fair share of meds for this purpose.  This article shares how to limit your exposure to chemical estrogens, how to detoxify, and ways to balance your hormones once you flush out the excess estrogen.  Unfortunately, my hormones are still not perfectly balanced and I already do everything on that list except limiting my exposure to plastics, so I guess I’ll work harder on that.  Thought I’d share the article in case any of you were interested, though.  Maybe you’ll read something you haven’t tried.  You can read the article here.

Respecting our Husbands

I mentioned in my last post a book I’m wanting to read by Shaunti Feldhahn called For Women Only:  What you Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men.  I had several responses to that blog post both on here and on facebook, so I thought I’d share a bit more about this book, in particular.  Please keep in mind, what I’m about to say is solely focused on what we as wives can do to show respect and love to our husbands.  I’m not implying that women should bear all the responsibility in a relationship, because there are also many things men can do to show respect and love to their wives; however, this post and the article it’s based on is only discussing wives.

I found a brief article, “The Five Respect Needs of Men”, on imom.com that gives a synopsis of some of the points found in Feldhahn’s book.  I highly recommend you read the full article since it’s not very long.  For her book, Feldhahn interviewed thousands of men across the country to obtain answers to the myriad of questions women have about their husbands, as well as info men wish their wives knew about them:  the importance of respect to a man, how men feel about being provider, how men view sex and why, why men often seem to “check out” during a conversation, etc.  The imom article solely summarized the respect needs men say they have, and it was quite an eye opener for me.

The 5 Respect Needs of Men

1. Respect his judgement.

2. Respect his abilities.

3. Respect his communication.

4. Respect in public.

5. Respect in our assumptions.

As I said before, please read the full article (which is not very long at all) to see the explanations of these needs our husbands have, but I can tell you that I discussed the article with my husband and learned that he agrees with all the points it made.  Most importantly, I learned that he feels I speak very well of him in public, and every time he hears me speak positively of him to others, it boosts his confidence and makes him want to work harder to please me so I will continue the praise.  On the other hand, I also learned that he hates when I give him reminders to do things.  I truly had no idea that my reminders made him feel like I didn’t trust him or think he was capable of one, remembering to do whatever it is I remind him of on his own, and two, to actually do the task I remind him of.  Of course he realizes I don’t actually mean that by reminding him to, say, pick up all his fly-tying stuff when he’s finished (he makes his own flies for fly fishing), but that’s how those constant little reminders affect him deep down.  And I never thought much of it.  I always thought I was being helpful, because I assume he just forgot since I often ask him to put down what he’s doing to come eat dinner, etc.

Even the synopsis in the imom article was enough to make me reflect on the things I say and do that may affect my husband differently than I intend them to.  It definitely causes me to think before I speak/act now.  I can’t wait to get my hands on this book!

Laughing at the Days to Come

A couple of months ago, in the midst of all the stress we are currently under in addition to the despair we still feel about infertility, I felt God telling me I need to focus my energies more on being a godly wife rather than on yearning for a child.  As we’ve tried to get pregnant over the past two years, I’ve noticed that my thoughts are almost always on babies–why won’t God allow us to have a baby?  Have I done something wrong?  Will God ever bless us with children?  Why did God give us the desire for a large family and then make having ONE child so difficult?  Etc., etc.  I used to constantly think about my husband, and the shift in the subject of my thoughts makes me realize that maybe I’m putting my mere desire to have a baby over my husband who is here with me NOW.  I’m thinking too much about becoming a mother when I already have the vocation of being a wife.  That’s where my focus should lie, because if we never have children, my husband will remain, and if we do end up with children, they will eventually leave us for their vocations and my husband will still remain.  The fact is we are a family–maybe a very small family of 2, but we are still a family despite the fact that we have no children at this time.  So, I’ve been praying a lot about how to be a more godly wife, and I’m doing my best to put it into action.

One way I’m seeking to grow in my vocation as wife is to continuously read and reflect on the wife portrayed in Proverbs 31.  Last night as I read over the passage before bed, my eyes kept stopping on verse 25:  “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and laughs at the days to come.”  I NEVER laugh at the days to come.  I am such a worrier, and my anxiety has really kicked into gear as we have had financial struggles these past 6 months.  Not to mention how negative I often feel (and speak aloud to my husband) about infertility.  I have very little hope left that we will ever have children, but I need to learn to embrace my role as a wife, because that role is just as important, if not more important, than the role of mother.  I must strive to be more optimistic about our future, and I feel that will only be possible with the strength of the Holy Spirit in me, because in my eyes, our suffering has been so great that it’s hard for me to see a brighter future.  If my role as a wife is to help my husband get to heaven (1 Cor. 7:16), then I need to lose the negativity in my heart and stop complaining so much.

Maybe I’ll continue sharing what I learn from Sacred Scripture and other sources about becoming a more godly wife.  I’m sure this is an area that most of us could stand to improve in, and I think it’s important to strengthen our marriages when we are struggling with something as stressful as infertility (which often tears couples apart).  Do you have any books on the subject that you would recommend?  I’m really wanting to read For Women Only:  What you Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn and Holiness for Housewives:  and Other Working Women by Hubert van Zeller.

Our Weekend

So much to say.  Last week when I went to the chiropractor, he told me that my uterus finally felt “strong” and that my pelvis was still aligned properly.  🙂  Very good news.  I hope this will increase our chances of having biological children one day.  I’m also thinking about seeing an acupuncturist who specializes in infertility later this summer.  Have any of you had success with an acupuncturist before?

This past weekend my sister and brother-in-law came to visit from New Orleans where he is a seminary student (they are not Catholic).  It was such a great visit!  I’ve sorely missed my sister.  I wish we lived closer, but I guess that’s part of growing up.  Anyway, their visit was incredibly short, so we had a packed schedule this weekend.  They arrived Friday morning, and our husbands and our dad took us out shooting.  It was my first time ever shooting a gun, and the experience reminded me that I desperately need to schedule an eye exam.  Haha.  It was fun, though.

Saturday morning we had quite an adventure!  We sometimes go to the Soulard Farmer’s Market in downtown St. Louis, but we decided while my sister was in town we’d try out a smaller farmer’s market in Tower Grove Park, because they have several food trucks that sell breakfast foods on Saturday mornings.  It was our first time going, so we weren’t sure where to go, and this park is fairly large.  As soon as pulled in through the main gates of the park, we saw tons of white tents set up, so we parked and headed over.  It was the strangest farmer’s market I’d ever been to.  We saw tons of tie-dye shirts, tarot card readers, dream interpreters, a drum circle, and an interesting piece of jewelry–a necklace that attaches to nipple rings.  The nipple ring necklace was what finally made us wonder if we were in the right place.  Turns out we were walking through the “Pagan Picnic.”  Haha.  We escaped as quickly as we could and ran to the car to drive further through the park until we found the real farmer’s market!

Anyway, I was sad to say goodbye to my sister this morning.  We never get enough time together.  But, I had places to go today, too.  Choi and I met with the sacristan of the church we’ve been visiting to take a tour of the church and learn how we can get more involved in the life of the parish.  We are so blessed to have a church that only offers the Traditional Latin Mass, and it is full of young families–and diverse families at that.  It’s so funny how we found this church.  We used to drive by it every Sunday when we were in high school, because we took Choi’s mom to the Vietnamese markets on Sunday afternoons (in case you haven’t been reading my blog for a long time, my husband and I have been together since I was 14 and he was 15).  We always thought it was a beautiful church–the Gothic architecture is amazing!  In fact, we liked the outside of the church building so much that we stopped by when we were having our engagement photos done years ago to take a few pictures on the steps outside the church.  Fast forward many years, and about a month and a half ago as we were driving by this same gorgeous church on the way to our church, my husband mentioned how he would really like to go to mass there sometime since we’ve always wondered what the inside of the church looks like.  We decided to be spontaneous and made a quick turn so we could go to mass there that day.  We didn’t even know this church only offered the Traditional Latin Mass (which we fell in love with the first time we experienced it last spring when we were still living in Alabama) until we went that day.  We felt right at home from the get go, and we haven’t been able to stop going since.  It feels like we’ve had a long relationship with this church despite the fact that we’ve only been attending mass there for a month.  We’ve driven by this church regularly for so many years and even have pictures of it from long ago, so it’s sort of been in our lives without us really realizing it!  It’s such a cool part of our story, I guess.  We can’t wait to get involved there.

This church offers so much for children; I hope with all my heart that we will one day have children to add to their numbers.