Life has been hard. We have struggled with infertility for a year and a half, and then we prayerfully decided to move to the St. Louis area to be with our families once again. In doing so, we took a huge leap of faith that we are now reconsidering in many ways. You see, my husband, Choi, is qualified to teach English as a Second Language (ESL), and St. Louis has lots of immigrants, so before making our decision to move final, we searched for ESL jobs in the area and there were TONS! We felt very confident he would get a great teaching job and we would be happy. However, finding a new job takes time, so while we waited for that excellent teaching job, our plan was for him to work at a nail salon, which he is licensed to do as he did nails through college and up to now (he is a typical Vietnamese person–LOL). Nail jobs are usually quite easy to find, so we weren’t worried at all. But, to our absolute shock, we have been here for almost 2 months and he still hasn’t even found a job as a nail tech! We are really struggling, both financially and spiritually. Fortunately, we are staying with my parents right now, because we figured it would be much less stressful to search for a new home after the holidays; however, now it seems we will be staying here longer than we ever anticipated. And our money is running out so fast! We have so many bills to pay with student loans and health insurance, etc. Not to mention, we made a choice to pay for fertility treatments, which are not cheap. You see, we had so much faith in those treatments that we were willing to spend almost all our savings on them. When we did IUI, we had so much hope that it would work that we didn’t even blink before handing over the cash. Of course, my insurance covered part of the treatments, but definitely not all (and copays add up pretty quickly, too). We spent all that money because we truly believed we would get pregnant as a result, yet here we are still barren.
Despite our stress and our losses, today I am reminded that we should never lose hope in God, even when we can’t see Him through the fog, for God is a miracle worker. May we remember His greatest miracle on this night, which was Him sending His Son into the world through a virgin–the Blessed Mary. It is because of His Son, Jesus, that we have hope, and I pray that my hope and yours is renewed this Christmas season. May God fill all our hearts with peace and joy as we remember God’s greatest gift to the world. Merry Christmas to each of you!
This Luminous Road I Travel 