I mentioned in my last post a book I’m wanting to read by Shaunti Feldhahn called For Women Only: What you Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. I had several responses to that blog post both on here and on facebook, so I thought I’d share a bit more about this book, in particular. Please keep in mind, what I’m about to say is solely focused on what we as wives can do to show respect and love to our husbands. I’m not implying that women should bear all the responsibility in a relationship, because there are also many things men can do to show respect and love to their wives; however, this post and the article it’s based on is only discussing wives.
I found a brief article, “The Five Respect Needs of Men”, on imom.com that gives a synopsis of some of the points found in Feldhahn’s book. I highly recommend you read the full article since it’s not very long. For her book, Feldhahn interviewed thousands of men across the country to obtain answers to the myriad of questions women have about their husbands, as well as info men wish their wives knew about them: the importance of respect to a man, how men feel about being provider, how men view sex and why, why men often seem to “check out” during a conversation, etc. The imom article solely summarized the respect needs men say they have, and it was quite an eye opener for me.
The 5 Respect Needs of Men
1. Respect his judgement.
2. Respect his abilities.
3. Respect his communication.
4. Respect in public.
5. Respect in our assumptions.
As I said before, please read the full article (which is not very long at all) to see the explanations of these needs our husbands have, but I can tell you that I discussed the article with my husband and learned that he agrees with all the points it made. Most importantly, I learned that he feels I speak very well of him in public, and every time he hears me speak positively of him to others, it boosts his confidence and makes him want to work harder to please me so I will continue the praise. On the other hand, I also learned that he hates when I give him reminders to do things. I truly had no idea that my reminders made him feel like I didn’t trust him or think he was capable of one, remembering to do whatever it is I remind him of on his own, and two, to actually do the task I remind him of. Of course he realizes I don’t actually mean that by reminding him to, say, pick up all his fly-tying stuff when he’s finished (he makes his own flies for fly fishing), but that’s how those constant little reminders affect him deep down. And I never thought much of it. I always thought I was being helpful, because I assume he just forgot since I often ask him to put down what he’s doing to come eat dinner, etc.
Even the synopsis in the imom article was enough to make me reflect on the things I say and do that may affect my husband differently than I intend them to. It definitely causes me to think before I speak/act now. I can’t wait to get my hands on this book!
This Luminous Road I Travel 